Friday, July 26, 2013

Taking Measures

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In much the same way that Anthony "Carlos Danger" Weiner has been unable to stop tweeting pictures of his trouser snake, Barack "Fiscal Nightmare" Obama has been unable to stop himself from calling for aggressive redistribution of wealth yet again.

In his recent economic speech, Barry made it explicitly clear that he hates the accumulation of wealth more than he desires widespread growth, saying that some people having more than others "isn't just morally wrong, it's bad economics."

Which is why "closing the gap" between the wealthy and the middle class by bringing down the wealthy (rather than raising up the poor and middle class) "must be Washington's highest priority," according to the president, who adds "It's certainly my highest priority."  Okay, he didn't say that part about "bringing down the wealthy," but his policies say it quite eloquently.

In his speech, the president focused on the very real problems of the middle class (while missing the fact that he's personally their biggest problem),  then laid out a bold new plan for re-energizing the economy, creating jobs, and equalizing the distribution of wealth by tackling rich people in the dark, sitting on their chests, and repeatedly smashing their skulls into the sidewalk.  The plan could go into effect as soon as early August, when the president and his hoodie arrive in Martha's Vineyard which is absolutely crawling with wealthy bastards who deserve some "whoop ass."

Just kidding! Barry didn't lay out any new plans, but just repeated his same failed talking points about increasing the size of government, investing in education, setting up more government job training programs, passing out shovels for infrastructure repair, and buying a buttload of lotto tickets.

In closing, the president said "When the rungs on the ladder of opportunity grow farther apart, it undermines the very essence of this country."

Because as Obama has repeatedly told us, the best way to strengthen the essence of this country is to use the "ladder of opportunity" to climb over the fences along the Mexican border.

And as much as Hope n' Change would like to end this commentary on that somewhat humorous note, we just can't. Because Obama said something else in his speech which demands a response.

The president said the reason that so many people are suffering in this economy, and the reason the "recovery" is almost anything but, is because “with the endless distraction of political posturing and phony scandals and Lord knows what, Washington keeps taking its eye off the ball. And that needs to stop.”

Phony scandals, Barry? You mean the miserable lying (and ongoing) coverup of the deaths in Benghazi in which you gave cover and comfort to Al Qaeda? You mean the dozens (if not hundreds) of people shot to death with "Fast and Furious" weaponry that your administration gave to Mexican drug cartels? You mean your use of the IRS as a political weapon to change the outcome of the last election and suppress dissenting speech? 

There's nothing "phony" about any of these scandals. Every one is better documented than any detail of Obama's personal history.

So STFU, Mr. Soetoro - because there is nothing in this sad and suffering world more phony than you.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Natural Mistake

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Borrowing someone else's joke, politicians are like diapers - both need to be changed frequently, and for the same reason. Especially our Pampered (but constantly leaking!) president.

And speaking of politicians who are literally a pantload, New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner is back in the news thanks to revelations that after resigning from Congress in disgrace for tweeting pictures of his tallywhacker to multiple women, he kept on doing it - sending out fresh photos of Weiner Junior while using the preposterous code name "Carlos Danger."

But Weiner's Muslim wife, Huma Abedin - a longtime advisor to Hillary Clinton - is still standing behind her man. Which, given his proclivities, is the safest place to be.

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Bonus: Per John the Econ's posting in the comments section, now that Obama has fixed race relations in our country and foreign relations abroad, he is returning his "laser-like focus" to jobs and the economy. And then he's going to Martha's Vineyard to play golf.

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Monday, July 22, 2013

Monday Mix

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Following decisions by the Sanford Police, the FBI, and a unanimous jury that Trayvon Martin's death had nothing whatsoever to do with race, Barack Obama essentially declared that it was all about race, America's history of racism, and black youths who are unfortunately stereotyped as being criminals because, statistically, they very likely are - because of (again) America's sad history of racism except when electing presidents.

But what honked off Hope n' Change the most was when Barry not only encouraged protests over this non-racial event, but said that if they become violent the ONLY thing he'll do is "remind folks that it dishonors Trayvon."

Really, Barry? You won't do anything to actually stop the violence or hold anyone responsible? For once, we actually believe you.
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Of course, while Barry is dabbing crocodile tears about the cruel racism he suffered when a security guard in a department store once gave him a raised eyebrow, he's also planning his taxpayer-funded vacation in Martha's Vineyard - "The Whitest Place On Earth."  Although it's unclear whether he wants to avoid brown people, poor people, or just rabble in general.
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And finally, Hope n' Change couldn't go to press without a last salute to the Whitehouse press room's grand old lady of anti-Semitism, Helen Thomas. The 92-year-old alleged journalist died of natural causes in a freak mirror explosion, but her spirit lives on. Specifically it lives on as the newest virgin that Tamerlan Tsarnaev will be forced to canoodle for eternity.