Friday, October 24, 2014

Sick Jokester

It's not unusual for Hope n' Change to have a throbbing headache, sweats, nausea, and the occasional mouthful of vomit - but usually that's only after reading the day's news.

Today, on the other hand, we have all of the above and a nice little fever to go with it. Nothing major, mind you (sorry, Liberals - we're already on the mend) but we're off our stride just enough that we're taking the rest of the day off and concentrating on not getting our bodily fluids on anyone...unlike certain past presidents we could name.

BONUS: Helpful Medical Tip!

And speaking of things that make you sick...

For the time being, all comments will be moderated. Unfortunately, this means we'll have to review and clear your comments thoughout the day before they're posted, and it will sometimes be a few hours between updates.

We've tried to refrain from implementing this step for the convenience of readers and to encourage easier user-to-user interaction, but sadly our "open door" policy has been abused too often.

Note that contrary opinions, expressed in civil fashion, remain welcome.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Early Worm Gets The Bird

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Barack Obama traveled to Chicago on Monday in order to cast his ballot early and avoid the long slow-moving lines of dead voters who appear in huge numbers closer to election day.

"I'm so glad I can early vote," the president gushed while standing at a voting booth next to a young woman named Aia Cooper. "It's so exciting. I love voting!" Which will certainly come as a surprise to anyone who knew him in his Illinois senate days.

The president's visit to the polling place was not without moments of levity. For instance, after watching Obama direct small talk and googly eyes at Ms. Cooper, her fiancé, Mike Jones, warned "Don't touch my girlfriend."

The good-natured and heavily-guarded president laughed off the threat, saying that it was "an example of a brother just embarrassing you for no reason." Which seems like a pretty blatant example of racial stereotyping to us, but then again if Obama claims to know how all "brothers" act we're certainly not going to question his half-white judgement.

The president's arm-waving, "hey, look at me!" trip to the polls is part of a broad campaign to raise awareness of early voting in order to maximize voter turnout in the midterms, especially among African-Americans. Because, according to an expert witness funded by the Justice Department, black voters "tend to be less sophisticated" and "less attuned to public affairs."  In fact, according to one pollster,  fewer than half of African-Americans even know when the midterms are.

So here's a Hope n' Change helpful reminder: Republicans vote Tuesday, November 4 and Democrats vote Wednesday, November 5.

You're welcome.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Used Czar Salesman

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Last Friday, White House spokesweasel Josh Earnest announced Barack Obama's appointment of a new Ebola czar, explaining "what we were looking for is NOT an Ebola expert, but rather an implementation expert - and that's exactly what Ron Klain is."

Because, you know, the White House has done such a bang up job using non-expert "implementers" to do things like design the website, keep an eye on "Fast & Furious" guns, clean up IRS abuses, run VA hospitals, provide security in Benghazi, and - oh yeah - being president of the freaking United States.

Of course, there are those who believe that Klain doesn't actually need any medical knowledge as long as he's a tippy-top management kind of guy who knows how to work with large, ungainly, purely partisan bureaucracies and break the knee caps of political enemies. And in the words of Josh Earnest, "that's exactly what Ron Klain is!" 

And as a bonus, Klain can help formulate well-reasoned, calming messages for the public, much as he did when working as chief of staff for vice presidents Al "The World is Coming To An End!" Gore and Joe "If You Hear a Sound, Run Outside and Blast Your Shotgun in the Air!" Biden.

Klain also has experience handling large, complex, financial operations - such as when he ran point for the Obama administration's "$500 million down a rat hole" investment in Solyndra.

Still, there is at least a modicum of good news for those who believe that putting a political hit man in charge of our nation's Ebola response isn't a great idea: so far, he's already skipped two emergency meetings on the viral crisis - so at least he hasn't done any real harm. Yet.